The Real Cost of Playing Small (And How to Start Taking Up Space Unapologetically)
We have all been in that room. You have a brilliant idea, but you hesitate. You wait for the "perfect" moment to speak, and before you know it, someone else says exactly what you were thinking and gets the credit. Or maybe you are drafting a proposal to a new client, and you find yourself lowering your rate before they even have a chance to see it, just to avoid being "too expensive."
For a long time, women have been conditioned to be accommodating, quiet, and small. We are taught that taking up space makes us "bossy" or "difficult." But here is the candid truth: staying small is a learned survival mechanism that is no longer serving you. Whether you are navigating the corporate ladder or building your own business, shrinking yourself comes with a massive cost.
The Real Cost of Staying Small
When you refuse to take up space, you aren't just being polite. You are actively paying a tax on your potential.
You risk burnout and resentment: When you over-deliver, under-charge, and fail to set boundaries, you absorb everyone else's emotional labour. Exhaustion is the inevitable result.
You miss out on opportunities: In business and in the workplace, the promotion, the funding, or the client often goes to the person who is most visible, not necessarily the person who is most capable.
The world misses your impact: When you dilute your voice, we all miss out on your unique brilliance, solutions, and leadership.
What It Actually Means to Take Up Space
Taking up space isn't about being the loudest person in the room, and it certainly isn't about stepping on others. It is about owning your inherent value. It looks like:
Physical Space: Uncrossing your arms, claiming your literal seat at the table, and holding eye contact.
Vocal Space: Speaking with conviction and allowing silence to sit in the room instead of rushing to fill it with nervous chatter.
Intellectual Space: Trusting your expertise and sharing your ideas without prefacing them with, "I'm not sure if this is right, but..."
Energetic Space: Setting fierce boundaries around your time and your peace.
Two Ways to Start Taking Up Space Today
If you are ready to unlearn the habit of playing small, here are two practical shifts you can make right now.
1. Do a "Just" Audit Open your sent emails or messages. How many times did you write, "I'm just checking in," or "I just think maybe..."? The word "just" is an apology in disguise. It softens your authority. The next time you write an email, delete the "just" before you hit send. Notice how your tone instantly shifts from hesitant to authoritative.
2. Claim Your Wins When someone praises your work, stop deflecting. If you are an employee who just crushed a presentation, do not say, "Oh, it was a team effort" if you did the heavy lifting. Say, "Thank you, I worked hard on this strategy." If you are an entrepreneur hitting a major milestone, post about it without adding a self-deprecating joke to make others feel more comfortable. Own it.
You Don't Have to Do This Alone
Taking up space is a muscle. You can feel incredibly motivated after reading a blog post or attending a masterclass, but when you step back into your inbox or boardroom tomorrow, the old conditioning will try to creep back in. Motivation fades, but accountability sustains.
If you are ready to stop apologising and start leading, we have a space built exactly for you.
Join us inside the Elara Membership: Inside the Elara app, we are doing this work together every single week. When you join, you get immediate access to our Coffee Calls, which provide a space to hold yourself accountable to your biggest goals. You also gain access to our community-run Weekly Co-working Sessions so you can protect your time and focus on high-impact work alongside other driven women.
Ready to lead? Taking up space is step one. Step two is leading. On the 2nd of June, Lauren McWilliams is hosting the Lead Out Loud session, where we will take this work even deeper.
(Reminder: Elara members receive an automatic 10% off!) It is time to stop shrinking. The room is yours. Take it.
